Hey kids… I know, I haven’t posted in a bit. (I am of course laboring under the delusion that people actually read this). I, like the rest of you, have been spending most of my time making decisions. We are deluged with choices, every day, all day, in every aspect of our lives… From the time you get up – Folgers or Maxwell House? Ivory or Dial? Crest or Colgate? And you haven’t even left the house yet… Cars, insurance, investing, which pain reliever to choose, Coke or Pepsi, PC or Mac… Come on! Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to have choices. But do they have to be in our faces every waking minute. Advertising is a part of everything we do, see, and hear, all day long. You can’t watch TV, listen to the radio, surf the net, drive on the highway, go to a sporting event, or get your mail without some sort of recommendation on what to eat, drive, or clean your bathroom with. So how does it work? It must, right? Advertising budgets can range into the millions. But we are not children. How is it we can be so swayed into being convinced we need the newer I-phone, a vacuum that picks up ball bearings, or a razor with 5 blades?
I think a lot of it has to do with ours being such a disposable society. Replacing something is so commonplace, because throwing things away is really no big deal these days. We used to have TV repairmen, cobblers, tailors, haberdashers, and vacuum repairmen. Now, it tends to be easier, and cheaper to just toss it, and head to the mall for a new one. We’re also a competitive bunch… Keeping up with the Jones’ has become a second job for many of us. And new gadgets come out every day. Do you really think every one of those GPS units on the dashboard of every car is getting used all of the time? We all can’t be that lost. But they’re cool, and they talk… and Fred’s got one. Another thing the advertisers have tapped into brilliantly, is our vanity. How will purchasing a bigger TV, or 20” rims affect my image? We fall for it… we fall hard. If I get a Bowflex, I get the girl. Get rid of my gray, I get the girl. Axe body spray, 5 girls at a time… and apparently if I drink Miller Chill, I get the sweaty girl in the tight dress. But what if it works out? What condom do I buy? And if I need….. assistance - should it be Viagra, or Cialis? (BTW – If my erection lasts more than 4 hours, I’m not calling a doctor, I’m calling everyone I know… I’m just sayin’).
I guess I’m just sick of it all… I currently have no one to sue, my deodorant appears to be working ok, and I don’t notice the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles (probably because I haven’t been to Lense Crafters and can’t see them). But it gets worse… Have you noticed the ads are now louder than the show you're watching? They’ve increased the volume of the commercials on TV. We thought we had them beat by using commercial breaks for a trip to the bathroom, or to go make a bag of popcorn. But now, when we’re refilling our Sprite, Mountain Dew, or Fresca, we can still hear about the best pad to use during our period. There’s an industry fraught with choices. I personally don’t have periods… not since I turned 40 anyway, but with feminine products taking up an entire aisle at the market, I don’t know how you women do it. You can’t give guys those kinds of choices. I need half a Paxil just to make it down the cereal aisle. And speaking of cereal, does milk really need an advertising campaign? Beef? Cheese? We’re all moderately aware these things exist… How about watching a Red Sox game on NESN, and seeing a commercial telling me I can watch the Red Sox on NESN… Are you kidding me?
It’s only going to get worse my friends. Not only is the game brought to you by Buick, but there’s a Budweiser half-time report, Geico updates, and a Gatorade recap. I wonder when the first sponsored wedding will be… Can’t you see it? The grooms tux looks like a NASCAR jumpsuit. The cake is shaped like a giant Coke can, and then the wedding song, brought to you by the Discovery Channel – ‘boom-deyada boom-deyada boom-deyada boom-deyada’… If an advertiser can get a product placed, he/she will do it… One day we’ll all be sponsored… Just walking around with Jiffy Lube hats, and bags of Doritos, handing out coupons. Won’t those initial conversations be riveting. “Bob? Name’s Ted… Nice to meet you. – Say, do you find your toilet tissue to be soft enough?” “I tell ya Ted… TP’s fine… It’s those damn untimely herpes flair ups.”
I don’t have an answer… I’m just venting. And hey, I’ll admit it. Some commercials are really funny. But being so inundated with products all day long, it really is a lot of work to keep reminding ourselves that we don’t need everything corporations say we do. My Ipod is 4 years old, and has a black and white screen, but still works perfectly, and holds everything I need it to. I can’t bring myself to replace it for a color screen, and hard drive space I don’t really need. Sure, I’m walking around with the digital version of a hand-crank Victrola with a cone speaker… But I can live with that.
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