Ok… Fast food. Like it or not, it has become a necessary evil in our society. No matter how healthy we try to be; more veggies, less sugar, more exercise, less booze… occasionally, we all find ourselves ordering a meal, by single digit number, off a lighted plastic menu board. Whether we’re too busy, on the road, or we just forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer, we’re all guilty of a food chain box lunch now and again. No big deal though… I’m a big believer in the ‘everything in moderation’ axiom. And I must admit, I’m a sucker for a Big Mac. Though, I’m not quite sure between which layer they slip the laxative, it’s not in the jingle… but it’s in there. And I don’t get the super-sizing thing. How much Sprite do we need? I wound up with a ‘bucket o Coke’ from Taco Bell not long ago that dropped the ambient temperature in my car 4 degrees… I wanted a drink, not something to dump over my car to rinse the suds off.
So why do we do it? That’s easy… convenience! It’s fast, and we don’t have to cook, or clean. It’s fast food! And now, with the advent of the drive-thru, we don’t even have to get out of our cars anymore. Just drive up, shout into the clown’s mouth, get a muffled acknowledgement of your order by someone who may, or may not be Charlie Brown’s teacher... Then pay, grab your bag, and find yourself in a rage 10 blocks later when you find out Timmy, your 16 year old ‘chef’, forgot to hold the pickle on your double beef buccaneer burger. He just didn’t earn his $6.15 an hour today, huh?
The problem with the drive-thru, I’ve noticed, is that it forces us to choose between speed, and getting off our butts. It amazes me how big a line people will wait in to not have to get out of their cars. I walked up to Dunkin Donuts this morning, and counted 9 cars waiting in the drive-thru, 2 of which were out on a very busy street. I went inside, straight to the counter, no waiting, got my coffee, walked out, and only 3 cars had moved. Doesn’t that take the ‘fast’ out of it? We can’t take fast out of fast food. It disrupts the natural order of things… Dogs should chase cats, muzak should never be on your ipod, and greasy, unhealthy food should be fast – period!
Disruptions to the universe aside, having to walk 47 steps from the car to the counter might not be the worst thing for some members of the fast food devoted. As you all well know, Americans are carrying a bit more insulation these days. A condition that won’t soon be remedied by pizza deliveries, Chinese buffets, and yes… the all mighty drive thru. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not for doing away with these things, by any means… Don’t take away my Shrimp lo mein, or my KFC variety bucket… (Yeah, I know - I didn’t even touch upon the fact that we buy some of our food in buckets.) People should be able to eat what they want. Moderation, remember? But if looking for the remote, and showering are forms of exercise for you, maybe offset the cheese fries with some baby carrots.
As for the rest of you… Remember - without the ‘fast’, a Whopper is just a big, crappy hamburger. So, let’s do our part… Too many cars in the drive-thru negates the whole fast food concept, and could conceivably destroy civilization as we know it. I don’t know the exact ratio. There has to be some sort of burgers per minute formula out there I’m not privy to… Boggles the mind if you think about it long enough. Now I know how Newton felt.
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